September is Suicide Prevention Month, and so as The Forge, we wanted to dedicate our monthly Lunch & Learn time to interview the Director of Counseling here at The Forge, John Blackburn.
John is an excellent resource on this topic with decades of experience dealing with issues like suicide, depression, and anxiety, both as a pastor and counselor. Here is a short snippet of the interview and please click the link below to read more!
Jeff B.:
Welcome everyone! This month is suicide awareness month and today we will be exploring ways to help a friend or loved one experiencing suicidal thoughts. Today we have John Blackburn, our Director of Counseling here at the Forge, who has decades of experience dealing with issues like suicide, depression, and anxiety, both as a pastor and counselor. He’s an excellent resource for this topic, so I want to have a chat with him. I’ll ask John some questions, and we’ll bounce back and forth. At the end, we’ll have a Q&A for any pressing questions.
The points we’ll cover include the role of faith in mental health, a faith-based approach, community and support, ethical considerations, a holistic approach, and training and preparedness. Let’s start with the role of faith in mental health.
John, how does faith play a role in providing hope and support to individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts?
John B.: Faith definitely plays a role. When we point people to Christ and the principles of God’s word, which are timeless and healing, we bring hope and purpose to their lives. Often, when people feel suicidal and believe they have nowhere to turn or nothing to live for, we can guide them to Christ and God’s word, which offers hope, purpose, meaning, significance, and fulfillment.
Without faith, it’s difficult to find true meaning, purpose, and hope in our existence. That’s partly why suicide is becoming an epidemic – people lack faith, and therefore, they lack hope, meaning, and purpose in life. Faith is truly a game changer, which is why it’s crucial to reach out and support someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, connecting with them at a heart level using the gospel and God’s principles.
Jeff B.: That’s very helpful, John. What’s remarkable about these principles is that they’re applicable to anyone, regardless of their circumstances. Our next questions have to do with recognizing and discerning when a person is potentially thinking about suicide. The first question is, is there a difference between someone who says, “I feel like I don’t want to live” versus someone who has begun to idealize or have suicidal ideation?
John B.: There’s definitely a difference, but sometimes it’s obvious, and other times it’s very subtle. Some people openly express their feelings, frequently talking about or obsessing over taking their own life. Every negative experience might trigger statements like, “I wish I were dead.” Then there are others who keep everything inside, and you’d have no clue they’re on the verge of taking their life. I’ve conducted too many funerals for suicide victims who appeared outwardly happy, which made their death a complete shock to family and friends.
The question is whether there’s a difference between someone who doesn’t want to live and someone who has plans to end their life. Often, there is. Many of us have said or heard statements like, “I’d rather be dead than do that presentation tomorrow,” or made offhand remarks like, “I wish the Lord would come before this election.” There’s a difference between these flippant statements and someone making concrete plans. Anytime someone says, “I wish I were dead,” you must take it seriously. Don’t dismiss it. Instead, probe and ask, “What do you mean by that? Do you have a plan? What has led you to feel this way?” It’s crucial to explore further.
Jeff B.: I’ve had conversations with friends, colleagues, and even experienced this myself in difficult situations. I recall a time when I was extremely ill. I wasn’t planning to take my life, but I felt at peace with the idea of dying because I was in such a horrible state. I’ve spoken with others who’ve felt similarly due to anxiety or depression, feeling like, “Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t here.” While this is different from planning suicide, it should still be treated seriously. What follow-up questions could a person ask in response to someone sharing thoughts like?
John B.: Crucial questions to ask are: “Have you made any plans to harm yourself?” “Do you have a plan?” and “Do you have a means?” Someone who’s serious about suicide often has thought it through—they have a time, place, method, and the means to carry it out. It’s important to explore these aspects.
Jeff B.: This is all very helpful John, thank you so much. Since we’re on this topic, it might be a good time to discuss training and preparedness now. What signs should we look for when we suspect someone may have suicidal thoughts, and how can we approach asking questions in those situations?
John B.: Unless someone is exceptionally skilled at hiding it, you can often sense it through their demeanor. Look for signs of deep depression, such as a lack of motivation, drive, or ambition. They might stop doing activities they once enjoyed. Pay attention to comments like, “I’d be better off dead,” or “You’d be better off without me.” These remarks should alert you to investigate further. Come alongside them and ask, “What do you mean by that? What’s really going on?” Be direct but compassionate in exploring their thoughts and feelings.
Jeff B.: That’s very important and something I have learned going through QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) training which emphasizes how we can help in these moments, even if we’re not professional counselors. One of the key takeaways is that asking someone if they have plans to harm themselves is not about planting an idea but rather opening up a space for them to share. Studies show that asking this question relieves their burden, even if they answer “no.” So, don’t be afraid to ask. Now, shifting back to how to help, if you encounter someone truly struggling with these thoughts, what practical ways can you offer hope and help?
John B.: If someone is expressing these thoughts but isn’t an immediate threat to themselves, I would suggest calling 988, the suicide prevention hotline. I’d also recommend involving a trusted person like a parent, spouse, or friend to be with them. I’d stay with them until they have support; it’s not a situation where you just finish a session and let them go.
If there’s an imminent risk, involve that trusted person and stress the need for inpatient care. However, if they’re not in immediate danger but still need help, as a friend or counselor, walk with them through these issues. Ask probing questions like, “What’s really going on in your mind? What has led you to feel this way?” Help them challenge their negative thoughts and gain a different perspective.
Show empathy, compassion, and point them to supportive principles, whether through scripture, prayer, or just being present. They don’t need to be shamed or lectured; instead, wrap your arms around them, expressing genuine concern and saying, “There is a better way.”
Jeff B.: That’s very helpful. Involving others, as you mentioned, is crucial, even if it’s not an imminent situation. I recall a man from my past who, after coming out of inpatient care, had a trusted friend who stayed by his side. This friend took him to counseling after he had attempted to take his own life, and because of that support, it led to an incredible story of redemption. It’s a reminder of the importance of having others involved.
John B.: Absolutely, and it’s essential to take this very seriously. You might worry that calling his wife, friend, or parents might seem overboard or that he might be upset with you. But frankly, as a trusted friend, there is a time when risking the possibility of my friend being angry with me is secondary. My priority is rescuing him from self-destruction. It’s that serious, and we cannot overlook it.
Jeff B.: As we wrap up, there’s one key question I want to address, something I’ve often wrestled with in youth group and other areas of my life. What advice would you give to someone who feels pressured to say or do the right thing when helping someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, especially when they feel like it’s all on them to make a difference?
John B.: First, the idea that you need to say something profound or find the perfect words is a misconception. Often, the most impactful thing you can do is simply show up, listen, and be present. It’s not about having the right answers but being there to understand. I had a friend who called the suicide prevention hotline and then reached out to me. Another friend and I immediately went to his house. By the time we arrived, he was saying he felt better, but what mattered was that we showed up and demonstrated that we cared. Sometimes, that’s all it takes—being there, listening, and showing empathy.
You don’t have to fix them; your role is to walk through this with them. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers or can’t recall the perfect scripture. What matters is your presence, compassion, and willingness to stay with them, even if it means altering your own plans. This kind of support can be incredibly powerful.
Jeff B.: That’s an important point, and we’ve had instances where warning signs appeared—someone’s behavior or demeanor changed, and that was enough to ask, “Have you had thoughts of harming yourself?” If they say yes, that’s not the moment to feel like it’s all on you. That’s when you involve resources like 988 and stay with them on the phone. Often, just being there as a facilitator is what they need.
We’ve covered most of what we wanted to discuss today, but let’s open it up for any questions anyone has for John. A question that comes from the audience is, how do you sharpen your ability to recognize warning signs? What should we be intentional about looking out for?
John B.: It goes back to recognizing telltale signs, but don’t jump to conclusions based on just one indicator. For example, poor sleeping habits alone don’t necessarily mean someone is suicidal. However, if you notice a combination of behaviors—giving away belongings, withdrawing socially, or stopping activities they used to enjoy—along with concerning comments, that’s when you should pay attention and investigate further.
Unfortunately, there are cases where no one foresaw it coming. It’s important not to blame yourself when you couldn’t see the signs. Some people become very good at hiding their struggles, and you can’t carry that burden.
Jeff B.: Final question from the audience. Could you expand on how you support people who are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide?
John B.: It’s crucial to encourage them to surround themselves with a support system and stay rooted in God’s word. This is one of the most challenging aspects of grief counseling. I think of one father whose son took his life. He said, “I prayed that God would protect him, and look where that got me.” These situations are incredibly difficult, and it’s vital to approach them with love, empathy, and compassion.
Allow them to talk about their loved one. Many people want to share stories about their deceased family member, but they feel others avoid the subject. Don’t be afraid to let them share their memories, as it’s often part of the healing process.
Jeff B.: I know from firsthand experience that letting someone share their story as many times as needed can be very healing. This is why groups such as Grief Share are such important ministries. They give avenues for people to process their grief and receive consolation and a listening ear from others.
Thank you so much John, it has been so helpful to hear from you today on such a difficult topic. I truly appreciate everyone’s participation, thoughts, and time today. I pray that this discussion was edifying and beneficial. John, would you close us in prayer as we go about our day?
John B.: Of course. Heavenly Father, thank you for the hope we have in you. In our faith, we find purpose, meaning, and significance. A life lived according to your will is the most fulfilling and joy-filled experience. Yet, Lord, we know that both we and others can sometimes fall prey to deep, dark thoughts, temptations, and trials that feel overwhelming.
As men of God, we seek to be healthy and strong in our faith, so we can, in turn, support others in their burdens, especially those who are in a dark, depressed state. Lord, I pray that you give us the strength, empathy, and compassion to come alongside those in need, to point them to you, to listen to their burdens, and to wisely discern how to help or guide them to the assistance they require.
Thank you for empowering us to do your will and work. May we apply what we’ve learned today as opportunities arise. We pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
– John Blackburn, Biblical Counseling Director